Are you someone who tends to shy away from difficult conversations? In today’s episode, we’re diving into mastering tough conversations. We’ll explore how to identify which ones are worth having, the essential skills to kickstart these dialogues, and why courage plays a pivotal role.
David Wood, Founder of Focus CEO, believes those tough conversations we often avoid can lead to newfound confidence, success, and love. David shares his journey with difficult conversations, from overcoming childhood trauma to navigating complex relationships and his professional life. He coaches high-performing individuals and teams, achieving outstanding results and fostering authentic connections—one conversation at a time.
Lead with Vulnerability
Unresolved conversations often lead to stress and sleepless nights. When something triggers your emotions, handling it can be tough. However, challenging discussions can yield desired outcomes, such as promotions, pay raises, or resolving annoying issues like noisy neighbors. These conversations can transform not just your life but the lives of those around you.
If you’re nervous about calling someone or having a difficult conversation, it’s perfectly fine to acknowledge your anxiety. Sharing your vulnerability encourages open and honest exchanges because many people can relate to your situation. For example, you might start by saying, “I’m a bit nervous about this conversation.” To help you navigate these talks, you can use this cheat sheet that prompts you to recognise your fears, like the fear that the other person might respond with anger, defensiveness, or judgment.
While not every conversation will result in a positive outcome, the cheat sheet can help you assess the potential benefits and drawbacks. More often than not, it’s worth taking the risk to speak your truth, even when you’re unsure of the outcome. For more complex situations, seeking guidance from a coach or therapist can be helpful.
In the workplace, many leaders tend to avoid tough discussions. But as you gain proficiency in handling them, it doesn’t necessarily become easier; instead, you gradually tackle more substantial issues, which ultimately makes you a more effective leader.
Tough conversations can change your world and the world of people around you.
When is a tough conversation not okay?
Sometimes, you might feel unsure about approaching someone. It’s important to think about the other person and your working relationship. But be cautious because this approach could go wrong if the other person isn’t ready for the conversation or just wants to be left alone. In such cases, knowing when to respect their boundaries is wise. You can involve HR and express your concerns without delving too deeply into personal matters.
Consider the level of investment you have in the relationship. If the issue involves someone you don’t interact with often, you might not need to address every small concern. It’s not necessary to be close friends to start a conversation, but it’s essential to assess if the conversation is worth having. Always check in with the other person to make sure they’re comfortable with the conversation.
The Challenges of Having Tough Conversations
The first challenge is often failing to recognise tough conversations. Our minds tend to shy away from them, considering them bad ideas. Another obstacle is the fear of potential losses and the thought of what we’re risking by having that conversation. The third challenge is not seeing how this conversation benefits you, especially if you are not very fond of the other person.
The fourth challenge is not having a clear plan. It’s essential to avoid common mistakes, like not seeking consent before sharing your thoughts. Asking for consent and using “I statements” instead of accusations can lead to more productive, less confrontational discussions. Focus on your experiences in a conversation to make it more effective and less arguable.
Have you read: Mouse in the Room by David Wood
How do you handle confrontational situations?
When faced with a heated discussion, ask for a minute or two to express your thoughts. Alternatively, if you’re the listener, you can suggest the same to the other person, allowing them to speak freely. What’s essential is taking turns and actively listening.
In a typical argument, both parties are focused on being heard rather than listening. If someone agrees to give you their time but keeps interrupting, consider suggesting that they go first. Listen attentively while they express themselves, asking for more details if needed. Who goes first doesn’t matter as long as there’s an agreement on whose turn it is, and both parties take turns to share their perspectives.
Remember, embracing the truth can set you free. This practice allows you to make mistakes and grow. Naming what’s true, even in challenging situations, can be your secret weapon to effective communication and resolution.
Confident Leaders Master Tough Conversations
Acknowledging concerns upfront can lead to more empathetic discussions, empowering leaders to address uncomfortable truths. Embracing the risk of open communication, no matter the outcomes, is a crucial step.
Confident leaders make thoughtful decisions about which difficult conversations to engage in, weighing potential pros and cons. These leaders practice courage, which builds trust, connections, and inspiration. Over time, being open and vulnerable becomes a natural part of their character, fostering a sense of integrity.
Tell us what you learned from this blog or leave a comment on the full Mastering Tough Conversations podcast episode on The Culture of Leadership (TCoL) YouTube channel.
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